you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
