It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
