I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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