My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
