Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
