dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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