So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
