Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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