i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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