I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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