Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
