I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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