after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night