call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated