nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again