I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?