No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place