He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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