Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
