You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
