I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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