i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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