My hand turned me down
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
