he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
