I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
