i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
