does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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