Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
