I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
