we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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