Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
