i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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