On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
