I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
