wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I could fuck to npr.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
