I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
