You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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