i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
