How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sex on roller skates
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.