I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I believe in your delicious
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
