can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.