My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
