Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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