So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize