Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
