Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
