Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we're so committed to being not committed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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