drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
