once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
