Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
