also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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