just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
