someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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