Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
