Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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