Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My dick has a subreddit
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
