awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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