doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
