I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
