How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
