Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
