I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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