I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
