he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
