It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize