just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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