So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
