sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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