hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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