God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
