My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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