I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
