you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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