A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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