Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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