She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
