Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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