A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can I color on your dick again?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
